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10 Truths about Divorce that No One Told You

Getting divorced can be complicated, messy, tricky, exhausting, and expensive.  It can feel like death, although you might also feel like you’re becoming whole again, set free to live your dreams. Either way, here are the things I wish I’d known going into it.

  1. There is no shame in divorce. It’s not necessarily a failure, you just completed that part of your life and now it’s time to move on. It’s unfortunate that some people feel stigmatized, when in many situations, it is the wisest and most loving thing they can do. 
  2. Things won’t always turn out as you expect. This includes your own feelings and emotions, and those of your ex, as well as your finances, lifestyle, and parenting.
  3. It can get ugly. You think you and your ex would never engage in that behavior, but at some point, you could get hit by negative angry emotions.
  4. You may need a financial advisor. Finances and property are always big issues in a divorce settlement. It takes much more time and money than you think.
  5. Don’t forget that your lawyer is not your therapist. Find a real one, or talk with a trusted friend. Don’t expect the court system to care about your feelings.
  6. You may become sad, bored, and lonely. You may dread going to events by yourself. While some people are “over it” immediately, others need more space and time to bounce back. There is no set schedule or timeline to start dating again.   
  7. You may lose friends and in-laws over it. On the other hand, you might be surprised at who comes through for you. That’s the silver lining, you get to know who your true friends are.
  8. If you are a parent, you will have an ongoing relationship with your ex. Avoid saying or even thinking bad things about your co-parent in front of your children. Try saying a friendly word when you meet, and with time, those knots in your stomach will go away.
  9. Don’t compare yourself with your ex. Don’t worry that his or her life is going better than yours post-divorce.  Remember that you each have your own separate lives. Live yours.
  10. Divorce isn’t fair. Marriage isn’t about things being fair and even, so don’t expect that divorce will be.  

Look at this major life event as a time to start fresh and build anew.  Despite the loneliness and hurt you might feel, go ahead, invest in yourself and become the person you want to be.  There is such a thing as a “good divorce,” and apparently, it is not uncommon. Researchers have found that half of divorced couples have polite, even friendly, relations. And the other half generally desire that. With realistic expectations, you will put this difficult experience behind you, and forge ahead.

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2 thoughts on “10 Truths about Divorce that No One Told You

  1. My husband just left me and my 2 boys ages 10 and 3 and hasn’t even made a single call or text or even tried to pay child support and the worst is he left us 2 weeks before thanksgiving and my oldest sons birthday was just four days ago and he didn’t even call him or anything and now Christmas is soon and still no chance of him calling or even caring about his boys and ther birthdays my younger sons birthday is in January so he will be done the exact same way . And isn’t this called abandonment ? So I should be able to get a divorce quickly he left us without a dime no money at all . I’m sry I’m just left to do this all on my own

    1. Shelby, I’m so sorry he left this for you to handle on your own. We would love to speak with you in person and help you walk through it. Can you schedule an appointment?

      We will take great care to help you figure out if you need a lawyer or if there is an easier route for you.

      God bless!

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